For the month of September, I am focusing on relationships for my happiness project. This makes it the appropriate month to not only work on my relationships and think about them, but to address the elephant in the room – dating. If you know me well, you know that I don’t date much or really at all. I also don’t talk much about dating or my lack thereof mainly because people rarely ask me questions about it and because I don’t want to sound like a broken record.
Let me first address some aspects of myself and dating. I detest online dating to the point where I refuse to do it anymore. I have many friends who have met their spouses on dating websites and I think that is wonderful and awesome and yes, I am slightly jealous. I have tried a few websites and have not had any luck. I met a woman at a Halloween party last year that told me that I need to just do it and go on many bad dates until I find the right one. The thing is, that I don’t enjoy meeting people via the internet. I like face-to-face interactions. I love a good conversation and I just don’t get that on the internet. I could go on and on about online dating, but let me just say that I hate and I am not going to do it anymore. It brings me no happiness at all and deserves no space in my life.
Also, dating in San Diego is hard. I thought it was just me and my abhorrence to online dating, but after a few discussions with some people, I realized that I was not alone. My amazing hair stylist asked me about dating last year. I told her it was hard here and she remarked that a few of her other clients had the same problem. We discussed why it was difficult here but really came up with no clear answer. It’s just hard here. Maybe it’s easier if you use Tinder or online dating websites, but as I have already established that’s not an option for me. I am not a hermit holed up in my apartment with my two cats. I go out to various places, events, etc. but I have yet to meet anyone at any of those places or events.
I think some people think that if you are single there must be something wrong with you. I remember many years ago I met a friend of my brother’s. A few days later my brother mentioned me being single on Facebook and this man commented “Oh, I didn’t know she was single. She’s so nice.” Because only horrible people are single!! I know that isn’t what he meant, but the implication that if you are single, especially if you are a single woman of a certain age, that there is something wrong with you is prevalent in society. Though, that has lessened in the past few years or maybe it hasn’t and I just care less about what other people think.
The truth is, as much as I hate internet dating and my belief that it is difficult to date in San Diego, I also don’t make it a priority. I have never made dating a priority. In college, I always said I never had time. I had two majors, three jobs, a lot of volunteer work and social activities. I say now that I don’t have time. I have a job, time-intensive hobbies, friends, running, working out and reading. I could have made time. I can make time. I am not sure if I can pinpoint why this has never been a priority for me.
Maybe I just don’t think I am worthy of a relationship. Maybe I think there is something wrong with me. Something so wrong that no one would want to be with me. Maybe it’s my body…my not-so-straight teeth…my slow running times…my clutter…my personality…me……
The real truth is that I am perfectly happy being single. I have a great life filled with many fabulous friends and family, fun hobbies, two cats and great books. I can do what I want without having to check in with someone else (kind of my favorite thing about being single) and I get a lot of alone time which I need to recharge. I would love to be in a relationship, but I am not going to settle for someone who isn’t perfect of me. I deserve the best (as we all do). Occasionally, I feel like I am missing out on something, that I would like to share parts of my life with someone. I just haven’t been lucky enough to meet him yet…or maybe I have and I just didn’t notice. Or maybe I never will him. The second real truth is that I will be okay if being single is my future.
Your fellow traveler,