Oh October, how I have failed thee.
Lighten Up was my resolution for October, and I found it was far from that. My intentions were solid–accept other’s feelings, listen and engage, enjoy the process, reframe the situation, say yes more, and sing in the morning. However, I found myself stuck in emotional turmoil and unable to focus on these ideas in the moments of frustration. I also discovered that I can not sing in the morning. It takes me several minutes to warm up in the morning. I like to be quiet. I like the lights dim. I like to ease in to chaos. Singing did not fit in with this practice. I couldn’t magically turn a hyper switch on and begin singing bright eyed happy go lucky songs to my children at 6:30 in the morning. It just wasn’t going to happen. What I did find, was sitting and cuddling with my children on the couch for a few minutes provided me a sense of calm and connection with them, that in turn set a lighter mood for the day. On a positive note, I was able to “say yes more” when the kids asked me to play or read. I was able to put aside my current mundane task such as doing dishes or folding laundry, and sit with them to play or read a few books. I found being able to let go of my need to have tasks finished before having fun easier as the month went on. Those tasks will always be there, but my children will not.
Moving on into November, my resolution is Just be Andrea. I always admire friends who know exactly who they are and are completely comfortable in their own skin. I am not one of these people. I often hide from the very things that make me, me. I struggle with embracing my history, my quirks, and my personality “flaws.” I want to take ownership of my name Andrea and all that goes with it. I selected six items to help me along the way:
- Dive Deep: take personality quizzes
- Read: Braving the Wilderness and The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
- Select a signature color
- Determine a quest
- Listen to more music
- Start a collection
Some of the items seem simple, yet I believe they will truly help me realize the things I really like and to be proud of that aspect of Andrea. As an obliger, I need outer accountability, and by firmly starting and sharing a collection or a quest with others, will enable me to develop this part of me. These two books by Brown are about discovering your true self, standing alone in that self, and letting go of outside expectations in order to embrace yourself. They are perfect for this months resolution and as I’m nearly half way through Braving the Wilderness it is exactly what I need for discovering how to Just be Andrea.
I look forward to sharing with you my month and journey to knowing myself better.
Your fellow traveler,